Final lesson from the encounters.

Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed, distraught and a myriad of other d words from the last encounter with Jorge. I eventually just wrote the whole experience off to seeing what life is like in the slums. One of the big messages we got before we went in was not to worry if you feel like you've done nothing, just being there is enough. I entirely agree with this standpoint, but it was still frustrating since I thought I had began to see results from us being there in Jorge's life.

We eventually got back to the states for debrief in LA. We were given a four hour retreat of silence to process, pray, journal, and just spend time to listen to God. We had a really cool session just before this time which I'll talk about in the final email. Just to say though, it concerned listening to the truth of God and not the lies we/Satan tell ourselves and believe.

During the retreat, we were given a loosely guided exercise concerning 1 Kings 19 and Elijah when he fled from Jezebel. I've never really liked guided exercises, but this one seemed decent so I went for it. I read the two chapters previous to chapter 19. Allow me to briefly summarize if you're too lazy to pull out a bible and read it yourself (which I'd always recommend, but pray first).

Elijah was a prophet. He heard God's voice and passed it on to the people of Israel. During this time period, the people of Israel had pretty much turned away from God and were serving idols/other gods. There was also king Ahab, who was pretty much the worse king up to this point in time (16:30). His wife was horrible too. Perhaps you've heard of her; her name is Jezebel. Elijah comes on the seen, stops the rain for 3 years, gets fed by ravens sent by God, hangs out with a widow who has no food, but with Elijah there, she gets food to infinity, he also resurrects her son who died. After three years, he comes back and meets with Ahab. During the past three years, Jezebel's been killing off all the prophets who listen to God. Next comes a rather famous passage where Elijah calls for a show down between the prophets of Baal (another false deity) with their god and between the God of Israel.

It's an amazing passage 1 Kings 18:20-46. Read it yourself, really, do it. In fact, here's a link: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Kings%2018:20-46;&version=50; I'll summarize the fall out: All the prophets of Baal are done, rain returns, and the people there see God is God, and turn back to Him. Oh yeah, Elijah runs faster than a chariot to make it back before Ahab. Overall, good times all around. This was a clear victory! For all that had gone wrong for anyone who was seeking God, this was a turning point. God was there, in power and He was in charge, period. It feels like the start of a revolution or something. Everything falls in place for the impending change.

Except for one thing. Jezebel learns about the contest and sends a messenger swearing to kill Elijah. Elijah sees it and runs for his life. Thus begins the focus of the guided exercise. Our team had just spent some time in Peru trying to do God's work and live the life of Christ. A lot of good had happened, but now we were back. Re-entering, as the process of returning to the home country is called, can be more difficult than the trip itself. To try to draw an analogy, think about veterans. I've never fought in a war, but I could imagine the hardest part isn't fighting it, but rather coming home. The simple objectives of win and try to survive if possible are replaced with murky slogans and ideals. The soldier has changed, grown, and been wounded, but the home community hasn't. And how cab anyone at home really understand? Stories are told, but stories don't capture life, just neatly wrapped bite-sized tidbits to inform and entertain. Enough philosophy.

So here we are back in the states after a month of varied experiences. Here is Elijah after the moment of victory, destroyed. Here he is: "And he prayed that he might die, and said, "It is enough! Now, Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!" When I read this, I was confused. What is he talking about, he just won! One crazy woman wants him dead and then this? But it is true. How quickly do I get downcast when something goes wrong. Specifically, with Jorge. Everything was going right, he was off the gas. And then, poof, gone. Defeat. It was only one thing. In fact, it was the only thing on the trip that really depressed me and ticked me off. That's how I felt, and that's what Elijah said.

Now what? Does he just crawl away and die? What is God up to here? The next section in the story of Elijah never made sense to me. At least the way it was always presented. Look at it. After sleeping and eating, Elijah makes his way to the mountain of God. I'm going to quote it from here on:

And he came there to a cave and stayed there. And behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
And he said, "I have been very zealous for the Lord the God of Hosts. For the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, thrown down Your altars, and have slain Your prophets with the sword. And I, I alone, am left. And they seek to take my life away."
And He said, "Go forth and stand on the mountain before the Lord." And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains, and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord. But the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire was a still, small voice. (remember this part) And it happened when Elijah heard, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out, and stood at the cave entrance. And behold, a voice came to him and said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
And he said, "I have been very zealous for the Lord, God of Hosts, because the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, have thrown down Your altars, and have slain Your prophets with the sword. And I, I alone, am left. And they seek to take my life away."
And the LORD said to him, "Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you come, anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi to be king over Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place." 1 Kings 19:9-16

Ok, so if you've grown up in church or spent any appreciable amount of time within the Christian community, chances are you've heard about the still small voice. The way I've always had this passage explained to me was the following: God wasn't in the fire/wind/earthquake, He was in the still small voice. You hear God when you listen to that still small voice." I've often heard people say that they've heard the still small voice too. I'm sure they have, I'm sure I have as well. But something doesn't quite seem right about that. Can't God speak anyway He wants to? To put the God of the Universe in the box of only speaking in a tiny voice seems awry. And it is. God spoke to Moses out of a burning bush (fire). He spoke to Job out of a whirlwind (wind). I can't think of a time off the top of my head that He spoke out of an earthquake, but I know there's enough times in the Psalms where He speaks and the earth trembles. In any case, you get the point. Listening for the still small voice, in my opinion, is the wrong way about listening to God. Listen for God, pray, ask to hear, read the word, see what He does in your day, take time to listen. I can't tell you how He'll speak to you. He's God, and He's creative too. Search for Him, and you will find Him. Just don't put in Him and they way He speaks to us in a box. I'll write more about this later.

As I read this passage, the above thoughts were all I could think about. I figured I should pray and see what God was trying to say here. So I did. I asked God to show me what this meant. I think He did. Here goes:

Elijah wanted to die. He asks for it, he is down and out defeated. Yet God does something interesting. First, he gives him rest, then sends him on a crazy long journey (forty days). That's a lot of time to think everything over. Next God asks him a question. "What are you doing here?" That's a good question. Try asking yourself that question. Elijah answers, part of it is from his own life, but a lot is the state of his people. I get the sense that he is still down and out of it. "I've done everything, but nothing matters and now they want to kill me. It's hopeless!" And then God does something very interesting. Elijah's in a cave and God asks him to go out of it and stand on the mountain. But Elijah doesn't, at least not until the still small voice. He didn't go out when the Lord passed by with the wind, or the earthquake or the fire. If he had gone out in the fire, the wind or the earthquake, he would have died. He would have gotten his wish. Yet he didn't step out, rather he stayed in the cave. I think God was showing him two things. First, he showed Elijah that he really didn't want to die. He still had hope, he still had something else saying inside him "This isn't over yet, now is not the time to quit". Otherwise, I think he would have run out and been blown to smithereens. Second, I think God was showing off. If God wanted Elijah dead, He could have killed him three times over. God wanted Elijah alive. And so the non-lethal still small voice called out Elijah onto the mountain. "Why are you here?" Let me ask you again, why aren't you dead? Elijah responds the same, "I have been very zealous for the Lord, God of Hosts, because the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, have thrown down Your altars, and have slain Your prophets with the sword. And I, I alone, am left. And they seek to take my life away." That's why I'm here, yo! My people are messed up, they don't know you God! They've turned away, but I've been fighting for you, but now they are coming after me. But guess what, I ain't dead. My God is here, He's here in power! Elijah takes his stand with the Lord and his purpose for him. Then God gives him the lay down of what's next. Specifics, this will happen, and this too, and this guy Elisha you're about to meet will be with you, and eventually take your spot, and guess what, you're not alone. I've reserved 7,000 people who haven't served Baal, but instead they honor me. Hear it Elijah, this is why you're here. I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to restore my people, and you're with Me in it. (And for bonus, Elijah never died, he was taken up to heaven in chariot of fire, by a whirlwind. Sorry, no earthquake.)

I felt that God was asking me the same question: "Why are you here?" Why had I gone? Why was sitting in this park in LA? Why had I cared about Jorge? Jesus, you have loved me, more than anything. You call your disciples to follow you, leave it all behind, love those around us in the same manner that you've loved us. You love the poor, you love the ones that no one else does, you crossed a lake to heal one man no one could touch. Jesus, you loved me even in the midst of my loneliness and defeat. I'm here to love in return. He who loves God must love in return. I was so liberated from guilt and the feeling of failure. It was like God was saying, I know Jorge, I have him, don't worry, but don't give up. You know why you're here, so get back out and fight! I know God will heal Jorge, I don't plan on giving up for praying for him (it would be sweet if you would pray for him too). I'd love to return to San Antonio, even if just for him. Even if I never see him again, I know He's working on him. It ain't over, but its so good to be on the winning team. As for me, I don't know the path and specifics God has, but I know why I'm here. And that's good enough. Amen and Press on for Joy!