C-mail: Guatemala and Leaving Home

Howdy All!

For some of you, this is your first C-mail, so a brief introduction, otherwise, feel free to skip on down:

The C-mail was begun nigh over a year ago mainly as a way to report on my experiences during the Global Urban Trek to Lima, Peru just over a year ago. Previously in my life, I had been frustrated by folks returning from short term missions and having a complete inability to tell me anything that happened except that it was "great." With this lack of information in mind, I started the C-mail to pry open the lid on missions and let all who would read have full view into the happenings and my reactions to them. I'm continuing with that openness now as well in this next phase of my life. I'm in the process of moving to Caracas, Venezuela with a missionary order called InnerCHANGE. I hope to spend the next 2 to 3 years living in the barrios among the poor and following Jesus in seeking the Kingdom of God in those neighborhoods. If you're on this list, you get to see what happens along the way. I can't promise it will be pretty, or fun, or happy, but I know my God is faithful in His undying love for the least and lost of this world. It is in that love that I believe and know that true joy is found. I hope that through these updates you can share and be challenged in your own pursuit of Christ and the full life that follows.

With that, a structural note. The C-mail tends to be long, so it has two parts: a numbered list type update/prayer request section, and a more reflective story type of section at the end that tends to be very long. Here go the numbers.

1. This Saturday the 18th I'm flying off to Guatemala. In the city of Quetzaltenango, or as the locals call it, Xela (pronounced Shay-la), I'll be taking four weeks of Spanish school to fill in the gaping holes in my Spanish learning.

2. In addition to learning Spanish, I'll be learning about Guatemalan history. This may sound really boring, but I consider it a good opportunity to learn how to learn. Specifically, how to learn a long, epic type of story from a group of people and then be able to take the stories from individuals and families and see how they place themselves within that larger story. From learning the big and little stories, I'm guessing you get a good idea of how a culture/people view time and events larger than themselves. This is an important thing to learn, especially if you want to introduce people to a large story and help them to see how they fit into it. (ie the Bible and how we fit into the grandest story of them all).

3. I hope to report on the history I'm learning on my blog while I'm there and perhaps summarize once I'm back stateside. Apparently, it is a crazy history and not easy for us to hear, but at the very least I can publish the Guatemalan's stories so that they are there for any who would listen.

4. I could certainly use prayer for this trip. If you happen to be the praying type, I would love to have prayer for A.) Health and protection against disease. Specifically stomach sickness from food. B.) Focus while learning Spanish C.) Time to meet and get to know the fledgling, perspective InnerCHANGE team in Xela. D.) General safety. Xela sounds pretty safe, but elections are coming up and a number of supporters and candidates have been shot. Pray for the safety and the end of violence against those running for office and their supporters. E.) Good emotional and spiritual well being while living and adjusting to a new culture. F.)Pray for all those in Peru mourning and in pain from the earthquake.

5. In terms of preparation for Caracas, I am still in the fundraising stage. Specifically, I'm trying to raise $1500 a month. I'm in progress towards that goal, but I'm asking for more supporters. If you would like to hear more about the vision and ministry in Caracas and possibly use this as an opportunity to give, shoot me an email back and we can go from there. (or for the tech savvy, you can give directly by this.) As for other preparation, I just have a lot of traveling, visa applications, and moving and relocation details all in a very short time period. Pray for grace!

Alright, I'm off, but I have lots of hours on a plane, so let me know how I can pray for you and or just let me know how you're doing. Have a great August, stay strong, seek the Lord and
Press on for Joy!
Cameron




For just over two and half a weeks, I got to travel around California for fundraising, attending weddings, and visiting many old friends and making some new. Overall the trip was good, but at some point, I was struck by a new reality: I no longer had any geographical location that I could consider home. I didn't realize this until well into the trip. For a good week plus, life was amazing. The gypsy, traveling lifestyle was beautiful. The trip was planned out well, the destinations and people amazing, and my car got miraculous mileage. I exclaimed as much to a friend on the phone one evening. But the day after that praise of life on the road, I emotionally fell apart.

I don't know why I fell apart. Perhaps it was the realization that my old college town of San Luis Obispo wasn't home anymore. I knew the city like the back of my hand, I knew the campus, I knew the churches, the streets, the shops and restaurants. This was were I really began to love and follow God and built some of the greatest friendships of my life. I lived in one apartment for four years, and I considered that almost more of a home than the house I grew up in. But while visiting, the irony of being in my home town without my "home" really sank in. On top of that, the majority of people I knew from college were gone: now graduated and scattered to the winds. What's a city without friends? Everything was so familiar, but it wasn't home.

Perhaps it was the realization that my home here in Boise is soon to fail. My parents are moving to Texas in September. Assuming the house sells, I will have no one structure that qualifies as home. Again, as in SLO, everything is familiar, but it isn't home. And Texas? I've never been there so that doesn't qualify.

Perhaps it was drifting from place to place a day or two at a time. Perhaps not having a home base to operate out of or return to between meetings and appointments. Perhaps always being out in public where I needed something to do in order to justify my presence there. Perhaps it was that the majority of people I met and stayed with were themselves moving. Perhaps it was the brakes going out on my car (it got fixed, don't worry). Perhaps it was everything together or simply nothing at all. None the less, my heart faced the fact that even though I have places to stay and food to eat, I am, by a true definition of the word, homeless.

I'm probably making mountain out of molehills, but for an only child, homebody like myself, losing the security of an always open, permanent safe place is huge. I never realized how important this was until I lost it. But to find security in a place, a structure, a feeling, is the least secure position of all. And somehow in the losing, I know that I am loved.

Just before Jesus challenged the rich young ruler in Mark, Jesus looked at him, and loved him. Jesus cared for this man. But far beyond cared; He looked, saw him for all he was, and He loved him. It must have been one of those looks that just give you the warm fuzzies (I get the image of the old farmer at the end of Babe looking down and saying "That'll do pig, that'll do". Ok, go ahead and mock.) Then from such a kind, gentle countenance of unconditional love, instead of "That'll do pig", come the words: "One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross and follow Me." That sure doesn't sound kind or loving. More like a self imposed death sentence. What kind of messed up love is that?

The ruler leaves dejected with Jesus' voice ringing out behind him "How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the Kingdom of God!" Again, what kind of messed up love is this? I found myself asking the same question on this last trip. My feelings weren't of joy or goodness. They were of worry, angst, lostness. Something that I had always had, and always taken for granted is now disappearing right in front of me. The same process has been happening with fundraising, only now in terms of concrete money instead of the vague notion of home. How is this love?

A thought occurred to me while driving around these past weeks and listening to some sermons of Bob Ekblad's. When the Hebrews had just come out of Egypt and were in the desert, they sent spies up to check out Israel. The spies came back and reported a land of amazing abundance, flowing with milk and honey. Yet it was inhabited by giants and the people feared that they would not be able to take it. Yet God had promised them this land; He wanted to give them it, in all of its wonder and splendor. Read that again. God WANTED to give them something great! Instead, the people looked at the reality of what was in front of them, the things preventing them from going into the land. Without divine intervention, they were going to die in any attempt at moving into Israel. So they panicked and wanted to go back to Egypt, and slavery. For most of my life, I've heard that the sin of the Hebrews at this point was a lack of faith in God. But what if it was a lack of desire? Or to put it another way, they weren't willing to fight for the extreme goodness God wanted to give them. For the truth in the situation was that God had promised them an amazing life in this land, but they were willing to take the easy road and settle for slavery.

Perhaps that was the same love Jesus had for the young man. He had in store for this ruler a life so amazing and so full that he couldn't even imagine, but the man was to willing to settle and not risk what he already had. With the ruler gone, Peter gives his aghast response to Jesus: "See, we have left all and followed you!" With that, Jesus is quick to answer:

"Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life." And so, Jesus loved him. He knew the reward and the risk in front of this ruler. He wanted this man to give all he had up to gain countless riches he could never lose, both now and eternally. Its the same messed up love of a parent pulling a piece of glass out of a toddler's mouth and replacing it with a slice of orange. For me, that means finding a home in no one geographical location or house, but finding my home in Christ wherever I might be, with the end goal of an eternal home that will never fail. I honestly haven't swallowed the eternal home part, but God's not done yet. I still feel homeless at times and frequently the cost of following Christ seems to pileup way beyond my means. Yet in spite of insecurity and the weight of doubt, I know I must continue to seek and follow and sacrifice for the reward that is ahead.

Why is it so hard to live this out? Why can't we take Jesus at His word and be willing to fight and suffer for all the goodness He offers? Doubt, yes. Unholy contentment, yes. The actual fight and struggle, yes. But perhaps the most devastating piece of resistance that others have shown me is that of logic. It would make sense for this man to invest his money so that he would always have something to give to the poor. However, that is not what Jesus asked him to do. He asked him to sell and give. Eventually he would have run out of stuff to sell and money to give. He would have become as poor as the people he was giving too. But at that point something extremely beautiful happens. Instead of cash or a sandwich or a coat, he can only offer the greatest gift he has, himself. And that is following Jesus.

May God give us all grace and strength to follow and persevere towards His blessing. I'll let you know how it turns out on my end. Let me know how it goes with you. Until then,
Press on for Joy!
Cameron