Putting the Fun back in Fundraising

So, in case you haven't had the privilege of doing any sort of fundraising, it is really stinking hard. I pretty much forgot how hard until I got back from my fundraising trip in CA. I honestly don't know if I'll have enough by October to go to Caracas and that is really challenging. Like really challenging. (And this post is just to express myself, and it is not a plea for support. Don't even think about wanting to give after reading this because giving out of compulsion or guilt is just plain terrible.)

I met with a pastor from church today and while he didn't want to overtly question my calling, he basically did just that. At least, that's how I took it. That is not an easy thing to hear, especially from someone who should encourage our following of Christ. I know he was looking out for my best, but my best is following Jesus. However, it always seems that many ministers within churches tend to try to keep people out of "professional" ministry, or what I would call, full commitment ministry. I know the early church made it difficult to join, but I don't see Jesus making it difficult to join following Him, except perhaps with the rich young ruler.

The thing is, I have no problem selling my stuff and giving it away. But I can't go to Caracas and live there unless God provides the monetary support for that to happen. So, basically, I have to trust in God, who owns the universe and cannot be boxed in or nailed down to a specific way of acting, to provide for all my needs in a very specific way. Yikes.

At the same time, I see God essentially running me through the wringer for good reason. Caracas is going to be a severe challenge for me, and I recognize that I need faith beyond what I have now. So even in the midst of my lowest point today, I found myself asking God to take me even lower. I need a God of miracles, I need a God of power, I need a God who lavishly gives us every gift, in His timing.

So, that is where I'm at. It isn't fun. It is stressful, trying and generally suffocating, but what other hope do I have except for the providence of the Lord? To trust in money is building a house on sand. But I must trust in God, and seek His kingdom and along the way know that He will provide all I need.

Psalm 52:6-9
The righteous also shall see and fear,
And shall laugh at him saying,
"Here is the man who did not make God his strength,
But trusted in the abundance of his riches,
And strengthened himself in his wickedness."

But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God;
I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever.
I will praise You forever,
Because You have done it;
And in the presence of Your saints
I will wait on Your name, for it is good.

Where it goes, can't say, but for now,
Press on for Joy!