Notes...

I'm scared. I'm scared to go back to the states. I don't say back home, because home is nothing more than a feeling and wherever that feeling shows up, that's home. None the less, I'm scared that I don't fit there anymore. Actually, I'm afriad that who I've become and what I've learned have so radically deviated from what most citizens call "normal" that I can no longer see people as I did when I lived there nor can they see me as they did then.

I'm scared I'm getting angry. I guess maybe I'm angry at myself. I feel like there's more that I could do aside from doing less bad. But who am I to say. Perhaps anger is needed right now.

I feel like perhaps I'm supposed to start over. See the world through new eyes, then discover Jesus in this new world in a new way, as a true savior. I'm just not quite sure when he's going to show up.

I don't know where this is going, yet I feel that God is within it, pulling me through it to show me something. Like going off to war to really appreciate home. It will be appreciated more than ever, yet nothing will ever be the same again. This is so completely different from everything else I've experienced in my walk with Christ, and that's why I think He's directing it.

Everyone, have mercy on me when I get back.