And now for something completely different

I wrote this a number of years ago, but the message board site I posted it to is about to die. In an effort to save our digital history, I give you: The Lucky Charms Log.

Introduction:

I was at the store and the only cereal on sale was Lucky Charms. I have never tasted lucky charms, but at the suggestion of Mon-i-Q, I decided to try them. This log is here to track my experiences and overall increase or decrease in luck. I figure you would all just be dying to know how Lucky Charms affects your luck. So, today (actually yesterday (2/1/05)) I stand at the starting line of my magically delicious journey with Lucky on the search for a pot o' gold. And here is what happened....


Day 1:

This is the first day I have ever eaten lucky charms. I am struck by the variety of symbols used in the cereal. Most intriguing is the complete ambiguity of what the pieces represent. Is it a tree or a spear head? A blue moon or chilled lips twisted in an evil smirk? I do notice the fish symbol found on the back of many cars. It must be the influence of St. Patrick upon the Irish Isle. Luck stayed the same today.

Day 2:

Marshmallows really aren't marshmallows. They seem to be more like colored sugar chalk. Yes, they slightly soften due to milk, but not by much. The bad part is, since they are quite chalky, as you eat them, they tend to scrape against your teeth; they slowly gnaw away at your enamel and leave a streak of chalky, sugary goodness. I'm sure my dentist will find this extremely lucky since I'll be visiting him more, but I think I'm getting the short end of the stick. I have a midterm tonight and I will see how much luck they hold for me there.

Day 3:

Something didn't quite seem right when I looking at the different "mallows". It finally hit me that the rainbow is reversed. The all so natural pattern of red on the outside down to violet on the inside is completely tossed to the wayside in this post-modern part of a complete breakfast. Now, I would assume that the physical phenomena of diffraction works the same in America as it does in Ireland and the General Mills plant, but then again, maybe I'm wrong. I learned about Mr. Roy G Biv in school, not Dr. Vib Gyor. What are we teaching kids now days?! In terms of luck, I think my test went pretty well yesterday but I will have to get the score back to be positive. The taste is starting to grow on me as well. So, they are delicious, and I'm sure the magic part will come in time.

Day 4:

Disaster!! I woke up a bit late and had to beat it out the door to get to work. But I thought to myself: "Myself, I need to eat my Lucky Charms" So I went into the kitchen and what did I see but an empty jug of milk starring back at me. "This can't be!" said he in the tree. "But alas, it was" said the doves above. So no lucky charms today or the next few since I'm headed off to Winter Confrence. However, in the spirit of the message boards, here's a Lucky Charms Haiku:

Oh my lucky charms
Your vast sugar melts my teeth
I long to eat thee

My test went really well last night and line dancing was awesome: 8/10 on the luck scale.

Day 5:

After a long break without milk and being at winter conference (you should have gone, it was awesome), I finally had the pleasure of resuming my consumption of lucky charms. Even though winter conference was amazing, I did get sick while not eating lucky charms. Also, my performance on the two midterms I had during the Lucky Charms phase was much higher than my typical scores this quarter. Correlation??

I am still wondering about something though. The Lucky Charms marketing proclaims "Goodness in every box!" However, I'm not really sure what this looks like. Is it mixed in every morsel or does it just happen to slide out as one chunk into your cereal bowl on a given morning? Does it sing? Does it dance? Does it grant wishes? Perhaps its not even animate. As delightful as a brick of goodness sounds, I'm slightly wary. With the application of conservation of energy, it follows that the imparting of goodness in every box, leaves an equal amount of badness floating around somewhere out there. Where does it go? What if there is a mix up at the General Mills plant? Badness in every box? Just to be safe, I'm eating with a knife from now on.

Reply from Scott Spartacus:

I think goodness is kinda like a sub-atomic particle which cannot be seen, but permeates throughout Lucky Charms. The badness in kinda like anti-matter. Though some theorize that is might exist in equal quantities of goodness, more recently it has been proposed that much of it may have been neutralized long ago due to massive amounts of energy and pressure during the big bang.

Day 6:

First of all, thanks to Scott for the clarification of goodness and it’s thankfully lacking counterpart. Secondly, I'm nearly out. I think tomorrow is my last bowl, unless you folks want to contribute. Tomorrow will get here then, but not now.

Despite these six mornings, I have never seen the typical leprechaun trifecta: A rainbow with a pot o' gold at one end and a leprechaun hat next to it. It just doesn't happen. I stir and stir, but alas, the traditional lore fails to play out in the bowl or spoon. I’ll just have to find the end of a real rainbow….one day….

Also, Lucky Charms seems to turn milk funky colors. Granted, I'm starting out with skim which already is blue to some degree. However, the charmed milk seems to resemble more of a murky hue found in well watered potholes. At the same time, it tastes really good. A fair trade off.

Day 7:

Well, the box is done. In seven days, (a typical lucky number) I have eaten my first box of Lucky Charms. Here is the last bowl:

The addition of all the loose sugar definitely helped me to wake up much more quickly. Also, I must say that the cereal was very consistent. It wasn't like all the "mallows" were at the top of the box, or all of the dense pot o' golds sunk to the bottom to leave the shooting stars running amuck at the top. Overall, Lucky Charms isn't bad at all. My tests went better, I got sick, I started talking with an Irish accent, and I'm still a fan of Notre Dame. What more could you ask for?

And so, with a heavy heart, and smiling Irish eyes, I bid ye farewell Lucky.



Random Thanks:

To everyone whose bothered to read this.
To Mon-i-Q for the suggestion.
To General Mills for making Lucky Charms
To everybody who's posted, thanks for the input
And most of all, to our Lord Jesus Christ who is our ultimate provider and savior. Ask anyone here if you want to know more about him.